- "Why are these three lines better than the new stuff? Because they feel startling--not because of strange word order but because of observation/presentation--how what is described is both apt (or more than apt) and idiosyncratic."
- "Do effective repetition check."
- "I am interested in this and where it might go. Maybe use this to change poem direction and create more surprise (which is the difficulty with a repeating line form)."
- "Necessary?"
- "More whack-a-doodle stuff?"
- "It's not that you can't wander in a poem, but the slip or the leap has to work."
- "Erk."
- "Confusing 1--how is this useful, connected? Confusing 2--what's going on?"
- "Seems as if it's going somewhere, then just stops."
- "Questions in last three lines of physicality."
- "Too soon. Telegraphing the terrific changes to come. Don't."
- "A=when too much is too much. B= when too much is great."
Monday, August 13, 2012
Notations on a Set of Student Poems
Labels:
critique; revision
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